When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
