I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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