do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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