Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Less talking, more tequila
Found your dick twin last night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
