So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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