i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
