Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
