she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
