It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
