its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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