everyone is single if you try hard enough
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
