I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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