the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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