Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
