she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
