The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
