yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
