I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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