I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
50% drunk capacity currently
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
