I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
