i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
