I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
