i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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