trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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