so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
