She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
