she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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