can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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