i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
