My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
