At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
