I just threw up on my dentist
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
