Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
