The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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