Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
