my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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