Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
last night I used snow as a chaser
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