Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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