addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
