My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
