why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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