he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
