WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
