I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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