The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
