i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
