I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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