Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
