the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
there is glitter all over my balls
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
