In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
