I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
